Greybeard Insomnia

Dear God. I really need a week off! 

I haven't been this tired in a very long time. The new job is so very exhausting and as you know I had to work Monday night - until 3.30 am. Was back home by 4 am and back in the office 4 hours later. 

It was a fun night though. Like the last time I worked for the guys who organise these parties, they basically let me do my job the way I wanted to do it. They trusted me and only checked from time to time: how are you, do you want me to get you a drink, are the bouncers looking after you the way they should be - they would allow me to change the prices, too (box office), without asking them.

I was surrounded by 5 bouncers, most of them were just funny, entertaining me all night long, impressed with my sense of humour and got me one energy drink after another. I had like 10 for free, really! 

One of the guests who looked absolutely stunning asked for my number, thank you. What, I need that from time to time. 

Bit weird though: just like the last time one of party planners really left an impression. He's like 10 years older than me, maybe 15, has bits of grey in his hair (and I'm in my early 20ies!) and his three-day beard but looks really good. He has that special something, an aura. Bit of a Clooney-thing going on there, no kidding. 

He is also the one who checked if I was okay every hour, the rest of the guys just from time to time when they passed by. Last time I worked for them I couldn't get him out of my head for the next 4 weeks - even though I don't really know him, I saw the way he talked to most of the girls who were on the guest list, the only contact we ever have is when I work for them and that's the best opportunity for me to watch him flirt with other girls. Let me rephrase that: with other women. Because they are women. Late 20ies, early 30ies, chic, BOOBS!, bit unfair, really. 

So annoying, I don't want to feel like that again. I am painfully aware that the main reason for my weird thoughts is that I am on my own, that there's no one in my life and I am lonely. 

Out of my head, Greybeard, now!

I had chips/french fries and steak half an hour ago because I haven't eaten all day, was too tired, fell asleep after work and when I woke up it was too late, shops aleady closed and all i had in the fridge was steak and chips. Sorry. 

But I started reading piggy's blog again and that's a huge motivation since she reminds me of my old life in England (and back then I was really good at losing weight) and she's doing so well herself!

Tomorrow I have to go to lunch with some people from work but will only eat some salad or sth like that, after that I will try to eat as less as possible + work out again. Had time today for that but please forgive me, I really needed some sleep after last night!

And now back to bed.