Thursday, 11 August 2011

I spent a couple days in the food factory

aka my grandma's. She's not my real grandma, she's my grandpa's girlfriend (which sounds weird). And she loves cooking. And baking. But more than that she loves force-feeding.

Be glad you'll never have to meet her! She's so lovely but she doesn't accept a "no, thanks, i'm not hungry!".

For the very first time in ages I managed to let food disappear from my table (not by eating it ...) and believe me, it was more than half of what she put on my plate but I still felt so bloated and felt like I couldn't move for a couple hours.
And you cannot say no to her. She's very ill, her partner just left her for a couple weeks on her own to go on holiday, she's the "poor grandma" everyone feels sorry for so you don't want to say no. And you eat.

She claims I lost weight. I know I havent. I gained. And now, due to her, I gained even more weight.

You know what I did? I pretended to call my boss and ooooops Oh my god, what, a meeting tomorrow? Oh no. Yep, sorry, I'll be there.
And I left 5 days earlier than I had planned. After only 3 days.

Wait a second, I'll just ... wait. ... and pray to god for me!!!


130.2 lbs!!

Why???! That means I gained 5 lbs! In like a week or so!

Plus: I was so fucking right about the tattoo! A tattoo near your hip - does not look good on someone who keeps eating!!!
I lovehate my tattoo. I think it looks lovely when I'm dressed. I think it loogs fugly when I'm naked. Like something that doesn't belong there (wonder why).
When you're really skinny and you can actually see your hip bones, then it's okay. but not with a swollen tummy, one that just screams at everyone: "Yeah! I'm stuffed! There's a lot of garbage in me that mouth up there shouldn't have eaten!"

Urgh. So now I should fast. But I can't. Because I'm weak.

Really guys, how do you do it? Go from a couple binge-days to a couple starve-days?

Hm. Maybe reading your blogs helps.
I'm off now.

Love you.

Monday, 1 August 2011

it took me 8 days to finally remember my password!

But here I am now.

I finally got a new computer.

Many things happened.

Car crash involving an ex something and a then current ... whatever it was, 2 deaths, 2 guys in a coma, a job, the huge mission to get another job, many binges, broken mirrors, a lot of bad luck.

Last time I checked I weighed 127 lbs. Not good but I think I look like 120 so that's okay.
Plus the guys still seem to think I'm skinny enough, they still think of me as the perfect one night stand, they always try to chat me up. Until they realise I won't sleep with them and then they stop calling. Imagine what that feels like.
But hey, they wouldn't even try if I actually looked as fat as I am, would they?

How are you guys?

It took me quite a while to log in but hey, I finally remembered my fucking password (sorry. It's just ... I'm a bit upset. Turned out it was one of the passwords I see every day in the contact list on my phone (yeah. to make sure I won't forget it)).
Guys I am so very sorry. I shouldn't come back and say "yay! Guess who's back!" and disappear for another 4 months. Really sorry. Remember how I told you about those weird pink stripes on my desktop?

Well. The laptop died. And I had no money for a new one so tried to fix the old one ... Let me tell you: it was not actually ... well, not even close to death, as it turned out. I'm the motherfucker who was DUMB enough to try to fix it and, on that mission, I sucked the life out of my beloved laptop. Silly me.

Swear to god: the next time my laptop wants to rest for a while, I'll just say "Yeah. Take a nap. You deserved it. ... but, hey, if you're close to death after all, just give me a call, I might be able to speed things up for you, make sure you're not gonna suffer for a long time before shutting down for good".

So how have you been? Sarah, Lucy ... oh I'll have to read your blogs. Tadaa! That's why I bought a couple beer and cigarettes. Yup. I am gonna read a lot tonight.

Glad to be back.

Miss Burton.