family issues

I live in my apartment on my own, not far away from my parents, my brother lives nearby. The rest of the family - well, they have their own lifes, far far away, and that's okay. We're not exactly close. 

But today, one of my uncles visited my mum. 

He's one of the guys who does everything just the way it should be done. And his wife also, I guess. Not too sure because she doesn't really exist. 

I mean - she's there, obviously. I can see her and she touched my hand when she said hello, so I felt her, too, and the cake in front of her disappeared, she must be real. 

Zombie. 

No offense - but for all I know she could be mute. 
Okay, I'm sure she's lovely but goddamn it - I have not once had a conversation with her and they've been married for like 20 years now! There's just no personality!

I was quite worried because I had not seen them in a while and with me giving up my old live, getting rid of everyone, new job and all that after years of drama, worrying my parents - well, I wanted to make a good impression. 

Punctuality is ... okay, you guys know in which country I was born, but my family really puts great stress on punctuality - and they started that family thing at like 8.30ish. 

On a sunday. 

I woke up early, took a shower, put on some makeup, did my hair, picked out an outfit that was very gossipgirlserena-ish (classy/cool) and was there one the spot. I was polite to everyone, ate two slices of bread in the morning, two slices of cake in the afternoon so no one would be offended, asked how they had been, distracted my mother the very minute they started talking about my brothers horrible past (she cannot bear to hear all those stories but no one seems to have ever noticed that maybe you shouldn't dig in the past everytime you're invited over!) - boy, was I nice. On my very best behaviour. 

And it was so frustrating. I went back home quite late and started eating way too much - because it was too late to go to the gym, the opening hours really suck on weekends! - so instead I ate. 

And then it hit me: 

I don't like them. They always find a way to judge, they are so intolerant, so rude, but in perfect disguise. Trying to impress them is one thing - but they could at least acknowledge that I have grown up, that I'm still there, still fighting, not giving up, I became someone and am actually a very nice person, a good person. 
And I stressed myself with being the perfect niece for them, ended up frustrated and binged. 

Not worth it. Since I actually turned out to be a pretty cool member of this family. Yep. 


Sorry, just had to say all that. :)


Back to work tomorrow and then I'll be helping out in a club during the night - remember I told you it's like Halloween over here? Everyone's gone crazy and it's in another city, too, so might be 3 am or later until I'm back home - and have to get up at 6 again for work. But I need to make some extra money since I have spent way too much on IKEA last week - not furniture but decoration. Little fortune. 

Ridiculous, really, but whenever something happens in my life, I have to make sure I feel as comfortable as possible back home. Not good for my wallet but my apartment loves it - it's so ... romantic and sweet and - guess Blair Waldorf-ish and a mix of Paris, English countryside and Louisiana-ish.  

Yep and in order to spend more money on my interior design, I need to earn myself some money. Tomorrow will be really hard, even harder considering that I gave up on cigarettes - have not smoked in 8 days now! Yay me! 

Nevertheless I'll try to eat as little as possible tomorrow (had enough toda!), only one real meal on Tuesday and then go to the gym (no time tomorrow). 

Hope it'll be alright. 

Okay now time for a couple posts, then off to bed. 
XOXO