How can you gain so much weight? Why 134 lbs? I have barely eaten those last couple days!
134 lbs, what a horrible number is that? All those between 130 and 135 they keep chasing me, they've been chasin me over the last 4 years and I have to get thinner!
The perfect weight is at least 20 lbs less! Have a look at the right, ladies.
That's the difference between
A fucking gap.
You want a gap? Don't even tolerate 115.
Everything with a 12x is better than 13x but even then most of us girls have flabby thighs, they TOUCH!
Now compare this to the photo above:
128 is almost as fat as 135, it's exactly the weight we fool ourselves with. We think it's better because there's a 2 and the 9 isn't there, we're 2 numbers away from the big fat 130 but OUR BODY DOESNT KNOW THAT!
Now 118 is way better but even that is nothing compared to below 115.
We have to start getting better.
I punished myself with lots of food today. Because I felt horrible after not eating or barely eating and gaining so much weigh anyhow, you know the feeling. Why not eat, I'll be fat anyhow.
thing is: This morning I weighed 134 but I looked a lot better than yesterday when I was lighter.
Don't let the scales fool you.
Be careful what you eat!
I decided to really try and get back to my hardcore anorexia 5 years ago.
Back then I lost 10 kilos in 3 weeks and I never gained the weight back! Never!
That's 22 lbs!!!
ONE POUND EVERY FUCKING DAY AND I KEPT THE WEIGHT OFF!
I was a maniac back then.
When I moved I started eating a lot and gained those 22 lbs within 4 to 5 months. My weight didn't change for 2 months and suddenly I realised I had only 22 days left until I would go on a plane, go back home for two weeks and visit my old friends and family and past. And they all knew I had gained a lot of weight.
So I stopped eating - no I did not fast, I wasn't strong enough but I had like 12 almonds one day or one apple the next, I ran up the stairs and down and up again when I had to go upstairs to go to the bathroom for example. I started running every night.
First I had to walk round the block because I had no energy. I took the time to smoke a cigarette, the one to keep my hunger away (wasn't a regular smoker back then it worked).
But then I started running. 5 minutes, 3 days later 10 minutes, By the end of those 3 weeks I ran for half an hour.
And that's how I lost the weight. I counted every calorie, wrote it all down, as well as every move my body made to lose a quarter of a pound.
I want to be that obsessed again.
Sort of have to as well.
I have this "friend" L - who I've not seen for months now, she's the one who is my worst enemy. Backstabbing and I sort of stopped talking to her when I had the affair with the guy in summer she was friends with and was talking bad about me and made everything worse. I didn't argue, I just stopped calling because I needed my time.
My opinion of her is not too good.
Thing is, she knows about my ed but thinks it's okay now I guess but she always tries to trick me into eating. Not cuz she's worried, lord, what an idea. She's always competing with me. She has to be prettier, smarter, cooler, have more friends.
So I've not seen her for 3 months now and she's on holiday or sth like that I heard but wants to go for a coffee in 3 weeks when she gets back.
I simply have to get thinner until then.
And thinner means under 125 lbs. There is no excuse, she is really skinny.
Of course I can find some more motivation.
The Australian is a barman, he looks ok and is sth. else in Germany, yep, total cliché, falling for an Australian barman. So why would he be bothered bout the drunk girl with the funny german-british accent he once snogged?
Well, I want him to at least notice my perfect body.
Okay I feel lonely and I need a boyfriend.
And ... yes, most guys who look great have those doll-girlfriends or they have ugly girls and you have to admit there's something about them.
Plus the guy from work I stayed with 2 days ago?
I didn't kiss him and only hugged him but there was so much tension for the moment that it keeps haunting me.
And then the Australian's rejection? Not a good combination.
I'm actually a bit worried about not being able to stick to my don't shag the company plan.
Why not flirt with him?
Hell, he made me feel good about my body, he was absolutely amazed how nice my stomach felt.
I want to hear that more often.
so get in shape and then in bed.
Okay, so L will be here in like 3 weeks.
Let's start a 3 weeks challenge.
3 weeks as in 5 years ago when I lost 22 lbs.
ending next Friday. 16th March, right?
POST YOUR STATS TOMORROW!
I'll post one post every afternoon that with everyone's stats and keep everyone up to date. :)
Please join me!