Houston, we have a problem.

The salmon is gone.

Plus I had cream cheese today.
It wasn't even intended, after lunch I came back to my office, felt bad about eating (and not going to the gym this morning because I overslept ...) and decided to check my mails and comments when I read Sammy ranting about my disgusting salmon and onion dinner I had yesterday and the day before and how much better her cream cheese is. Fun.

The rest of the day was boring. Not much to do at work, nothing to be a bit more exact. I was occupied for ONE hour! ONE! out of 8 I have to be there. Normally I end up having at least 2 days per week working up to 10 hours! And today was so boring. I wanted to leave, go to the gym, but couldn't because I had to wait for one email. One. An important one. It never came. Fuckers.


I got so bored that I decided to get a new haircut. So at 4 pm sharp I drove home and went to the hairdressers and that bitch really fucked my hair up. I have a side fringe now but it is way too short. My hair is also layered which could make a good look - but not like that! I lost so much hair!

Skarsky, guy from work, once made a compliment. He never does that, normaly he's the one to tell me my makeup's not perfect, my hair is a mess, there's dirt on my jeans and I'm overdressed.
Until one day I had my hair in a messy bun like a ballerina but a bit messy. When we met for lunch I opened my hair and he said: "Aaaand the bun's gone. Man, what are you always doing to your hair."
I got really angry and wanted to shout at him until he looked and me and said: "I was just saying ... I really liked the bun. It suits you."

I should've known. The way he'd said it was like an insult but of course the only way for him to compliment me is to point out that the opposite is a really bad thing. You know what I mean? He cannot compliment me, he has to hide it.

Now my hair is too short. For my curls as well and my vintage hairstyles. What am I going to do now?

Frustrated I decided to go shopping. Don't do that after getting a bad haircut - at least not with a butt my size. It won't cheer you up, it'll tear you down.
It took me 5 minutes after getting my own clothes back on to leave the dressing room.
Fuck jeans. Fuck levis.

Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I keep running to the gym, start purging again? I'm still fat and ugly. And of course I grabbed a pizza and chocolate and ate it and sat on the couch the entire night.

I really hate my body, my hair, my entire look right now. All that time I sat in the chair and this beautiful bitch cut my hair I felt ashamed, I felt like someone who doesn't belong because the face looked bad, too, bloated, not the best skin and now a hideous haircut to complete the drama.

My flat is messy, too. Shit. I have no time or energy to tidy up.

I miss Skarsky. Another 2 weeks without him and I probably won't see him until then. And when I do his first thought will be "What have you done to your hair, girl?"
But I want to have him around, despite his teasing me, despite his hurtfull comments, despite the fact that he will always talk about cars and exes, despite the fact that he's so grumpy sometimes and his mood swings are really something you could live without.

Fuck.

This is so Apollo 13.