Today was quite a good day - I fainted in public ´.
Not that good, yes. But the reason for fainting:
Yesterday I had a huge argument at work and around 4 or 5 pm I couldn't hold back the tears. Luckily not many people were there (Friday afternoon ...) but my team witnessed my breakdown. It was because there's this guy who has a lot to say and I respect him and want him to notice that I am trying really hard to do my best. He doesn't and most of the time it seems like he's annoyed that I'm even there because I'm the only one who did not study what she's doing (yep, I am in another department and it's not at all what I studied).
He is not very sensitive and started snapping at me. And all of a sudden I started crying. He kept ranting and things got worse.
In the end I stayed until 8 or 9 pm, on my own, and tried to prepare things for Monday. I will go and apology for being too weak or whatever and from Monday on I will never be weak in front of him again. Never.
Eventually he will have to start taking me seriously.
Until this drama began everything was okay. Remember how I told you about those two guys at work in my last post?
The younger guy and I had a couple cigarettes together - first one when the other guys had lunch. Yes, I skipped lunch to have a cigarette with someone. And it worked! I didn't even realise what I was doing.
He also made me laugh when the drama started. First time I noticed I'd start crying I went downstairs, told him to come with me for a smoke and tadaa. I was able to smile for another 5 minutes. But then he went home and I was alone with my team, started crying, went back to work for another couple hours and drove back home. I went to bad, again a friday night on my own. And forgot - totally forgot! to eat.
This morning I woke up early due to a grumbling stomach. Felt great. It reminded me of my time in England when I was doing really good and lost 10 kilos in 22 days.
So to avoid eating I decided to go into town. And eventually fainted in a shop whilst talking to a saleswoman. It was really embarassing. Even more embarassing was when the woman asked me if there was anyone she could call to pick me up and I had to say no - not because it wasn't necessary but because there is no one who'd come pick me up. I guess those old friends would've thought: what. you woke up again. what could I possibly do for you now?
Something like that.
I went home and had some spaghetti and salad - quite a plate full, to be honest, but I really had to eat something.
This morning I weighed 128 lbs.
Not 125 but I'm getting there.
The good thing is: I finally know that I am still able to fast. Okay, I spend the next day in a shop lying on the floor, looking like a complete idiot, but hey ... whatever it takes, right?
So I'll try to fast at least twice next week. I'll just have to spend a bit more time with the smoker.
Hm. :( My surf stick's not working again.
But now I'll finally read your blogs - and Lucy's. I feel really bad for not leaving a comment :(