Monday, 18 March 2013

I'm thinking about leaving bloggers again.

I started blogging a couple years ago and it really helped me through all this - mainly because of all the support, it was like being with a family, everyone was there to support each other. Sticky, Luce, Ancora, Matilda, Melon, who's gone missing - and now?

Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy that some of you guys are still there, reading my comments - even "new" followers like Sam (okay, you're not so new but one of the newest compared to the other ones ...)

it's just:

it feels weird. 2 years ago I had more followers and they left so many comments and that really helped me.

Please please please don't get me wrong, this is a vicious circle, really!

I have not been this lonely in a very very long time, I live for work and have no social life at all, people judge me every day and then posting stuff and realising that so many followers have stopped reading my blog, that depresses me. Even though it's wrong, it feels like ... like some sort of proof that I don't deserve a social life.


And mia is back, it's well known that I spend every day at the gym but I still gained 11 lbs and my mother recently even said to me: "You've been eating a lot recently, haven't you?" And then she said "Sorry, but I can see it". After that I stepped on the scales and found out that she was right.

Everything's just great.

The new job is not what I had hoped for. And to make everything even worse the women at work don't like me and talked to the boss who now has the impression that I don't want to learn anything, feel superior and don't want them to teach me anything new.
Me, of all people. I'm the last person to leave the building 4 days a week because I'm trying to learn as much as possible, I ask so many questions every day and I'm really trying to be polite - hell, i'm not trying, I feel like I'm brown-nosing every fucking day until 7 pm and then it's either the gym or a huge binge or the gym and after that the fucking binge and I'm exhausted and I have no idea what to do anymore and I don't even want to be here anymore!!!!

this sucks!!!!!!

and i dont even fucking deserve this!!
I never talk bad about people, I dont talk behind their back, i dont judge, i try to learn as much as possible, i gave up on my friends for work, i go to the gym 4 times a week, and everyone judges me and i'm not happy!!!!

ive not been happy in a long time.

i hate this.


  1. If you want more of a support network here, well... start networking :) I must have subscribed to you over a year ago when you were still active, and if I weren't THAT bad at deleting my inactive subscriptions, I wouldn't know you were here (BTW, haven't commented because I don't feel like I know you well enough to say something useful).

    Go out and look for the active Bloggers. Look at comments on the blogs of the people who comment on your blog - I've found a lot of neat people that way. I only have a few regular commenters (I think my appeal is limited to a certain type) but they mean a great deal to me.

    I'm sorry you're dealing with a bad new job - I can relate, I'm getting kicked out of a bad old one.

    Find something.. one thing... that is a step toward what you want, and find a way to make it happen. Life will not always be like this, and you are the one that will make it better.

    Take care.

  2. I'm sorry things at work aren't good.
    I'm having troubles at work too, and this is the main reason I'm posting so little... Because I only feel like complaining about a bitch at work, and I'm spending there 60 hours+ a week..

    Well, at least we have the gym I guess.. I kinda overdid it last weekend and this morning I could barely run, it felt like my legs were nailed to the treadmill LOL

    Anyway, I hope you stay round honey. For what it's worth, I really missed you.


    PS - this thing you have that when one is posting a comment asks to type number and word it's extremely discouraging. Every time I have to try it more than once, because it's impossible to read that shit-- please take it away!!

    what do you mean 11lbs you can't gain 11lbs because i said so
    this sounds like fucking shit honestly babe
    i want to do something
    whenever i read about your work life i get tired (its not the fact its 2:13am surely)
    i just hope things look up for you my angel
    -Sam Lupin